I Can't
by TheTruthIsHere125
Summary: Kara gets seriously injured. Will her body fully recover, and more importantly, will her mind? This story involves depression, abuse and other dark things. You have been warned. (I'm sorry for the bad description)
1. Chapter 1

**P.S: I do not own or claim any credit regarding all of these characters, they come from the amazing show Supergirl on the CW.**

 **P.P.S: I'm trying out a new idea here, let me know if you guys want me to continue with this or not, I'm on the fence! Though I do have quite a few ideas for what could happen next. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

—

 **Kara's POV:**

Kara felt herself being lifted as she began to lose consciousness.

She quickly missed the feeling of the air around her as it was harshly replaced with cold stone, the floor cracking under her body as she was slammed into it.

Kara tried to grab at his arms, but was immediately met with a sharp pain stemming from her shoulder blade to her elbow, it was far more painful than it should have been.

 _Uh oh._

Hissing in pain as Korvax let go of her cape, she crumpled to the floor. The Fort Razz escapee measured a good meter or two taller than her, so when he looked down at her it made it that much more intimidating, with his shoulders squared and head forward, looking into her eyes.

His long, tendril of an arm snaked towards her, reaching for her neck as she tried to escape.

To move.

But her body wouldn't respond, she was paralysed with fear.

 _Come on! MOVE!_

His eyes were literal voids, black wisps of ether seeping out into the air around him and surrounding him with a deadzone of darkness making him almost impossible to effectively be frozen or hit with Kara's laser vision.

Her eyelids started to droop as unconsciousness overtook her thoughts, the last thing she felt was a tear slide down her cheek. She knew this was the end.

—

 **Alex's POV:**

"Supergirl? SUPERGIRL?"

Alex held her breath as she waited for a response. _Please be okay Kara, please be okay._ After what felt like a lifetime of silence, she finally heard something. A sniffle maybe.

"Supergirl? Are you there?"

It was J'onn asking this time. Alex could here the worry that was etched into his voice, despite his efforts to hide it behind authority.

A sniffle. Now she was sure. _Why's Kara crying? She barely ever cries._

"Kara…what's going on?"

Alex was getting more desperate, she needed to get her to respond. Relief washed over her as Kara's voice finally cut through the silence that had enveloped the DEO's command room.

"Alex…" There was so much pain in Kara's voice.

"Kara, Kara I'm here. What's happening? Are you hurt?"

"Alex… it hurts so much. I can't move. He did something. I think…

I think he broke my spine Alex."

Alex's relief was short lived. If she wasn't already hella worried, that pretty much topped it off. She started to panic, they didn't know that it was even possible to break Kara's spine let alone in broad daylight when she was at her strongest. Is the threat still there? Is the prisoner still with ka- Alex was pulled out of her thoughts by Kara's voice returning to the coms.

" Alex please. Please help. I- I can't move. It hurts so bad. There's so much blood, oh Rao I think I'm going to die. The bones aren't meant to be visible are they?"

Before Alex could so much as turn around J'onn was gone, no doubt going out to find Kara.

Without turning off the audio feed, Alex ordered a squadron of agents to converge on the location in case of back up being needed. She turned to Winn who then returned her gaze, there were unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

"Winn, keep an eye on Supergirl's tracker to make sure that it's heading towards the DEO, and I'm going to need you to see if you can hack into any cameras that might be near where the fight happened, try to get some footage of the prisoners face."

"Will do. Do you need the audio too?"

"Visuals are our priority but if you could get sound as well then by all means do so."

"Gotcha. This fucker's going down."

Winn looked relieved to be able to actually do something, and started to furiously type on his keyboard with more determination than she'd ever seen from him.

Alex walked towards the balcony, silently praying for her sister, praying that Kara would be okay. Though deep down she knew this was serious. A broken spine? That would pretty much be instant paralysis for a human, she had no idea if it would be as bad for Kara. Screw that, what if she bled out. What if Kara _died._ Alex didn't know how she'd continue to live without her sister.

"Hey Danvers, you up for- what the hell is going on?!" Maggie was temporarily hidden behind an armed squad of soldiers rushing past her, guns rattling on their backs as they stormed towards the door.

Alex didn't immediately reply, still lost in her thoughts. She wished she could go out, help assess and deal with the situation. She wished she could get to her sister. J'onn would be furious if she did though, she was second in command and so if he was out in the field she had a duty to keep the whole base in order. And unluckily for her, J'onn had a way of getting through the door faster than humanly possible because, well, he's not human.

"Alex?"

Alex jumped a bit, startled by the sudden and unexpected presence.

"Oh uh Mags, now is _not_ a good time for you to be here."

"Why? What happened?" Seeing her girlfriend's worried expression Alex let out a deep sigh, her body visibly falling in on itself as she exhaled.

"It's Kara, she-"

"MED-TEAM A, MEET ME IN THE MEDBAY, TEAM B GO BRING THE DEFIBRILLATORS AND TITANIUM BRACES STAT!"

J'onns booming voice, rife with anger, filled the agency, bringing the noise of bustling soldiers and nervous chatter to a stand still. Alex ran up to the medbay, with Maggie following closely behind as other surgeons and biochemists grabbed various, dangerous looking tools from the shelves around her.

Alex felt the tears almost spill over as she saw the limp body in J'onn's arms. Kara was definitely correct when talking about her spine, because she should not have been able to bend as far backwards as she was while the director held her. He gently laid her onto the operating table, that was instantly surrounded by sunlamps as the surgeons and Alex got to work. In the background Maggie stood stock still for a little bit, completely unable to decide what to do with herself. After a minute or two though, she knew what she could do, and walked out of the room.

Alex had to keep hold of her brave face, if she lost it then that's one less worker that could be saving her sister. Hiding behind her profession, a skill she that had honed to perfection over the years.

"Scalpel"

"Scalpel!" A younger agent complied, handing her the smallest, most delicate blade.

Alex forced her hand to stop shaking as she gently separated bone shards from muscle tissue, occasionally having to cut away the small fractured ligaments that tangled around a few areas of the spine.

It continued on like this for a few hours, until finally she gave in to exhaustion and passed the job over to another agent. Alex removed her latex gloves and all but collapsed into the chair only a few meters away from the operating table.

Kara's arm dangled out from under the operating tarp, and Alex could see at least a dozen angry, purple bruises beginning to rise. Alex couldn't hold it together anymore, she bent over and started silently sobbing into her hands. It shouldn't have to be this way. Kara shouldn't have to always be jumped by some bigger, badder evil that decides to show up. They'd planned on a sisters night that evening, though there was no way in hell that that was going to happen now. Kara had a life too, why doesn't she get to live it. _Kara HAS a life. And she WILL live it. Once she gets better and recovers, we can have plenty of sisters nights then. Because she's going to get through this. She has to get through this. I can't do this witho-_

"Hey, babe." Maggie put a comforting hand around Alex's shoulders as she handed her a warm cup of coffee.

"I know you're not hungry or anything, but if you're going to stay up super late dealing with this then you need the extra energy."

Alex gratefully accepted the beverage and sat back a little bit, letting her shoulders sag. The agent felt a lot more relaxed whenever her girlfriend was around, even in situations like this, Maggie always managed to find some way to bring her back to reality and out of her deep, drowning well of thoughts.

Maggie temporarily left Alex's side to grab a chair, and moved it to sit next to her girlfriend.

"I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but Kara's going to be okay. We both know that she's so strong, I don't doubt that she'll pull through this like she has done before. It'll be okay, it's okay." Tears silently rolled down Alex's cheeks as she moved her head to be resting on Maggie's shoulder. Alex took in an uneven breath before she spoke.

"We don't know that."


	2. Chapter 2: Let Me Go

**Chapter 2: Let Me Go**

It was the next day.

All of the surgeons and doctors had stayed to work overnight collecting the small fragments of stone that had somehow found their way into Kara's elbow joint, setting up titanium braces against her spine to keep it together and stitching up all of the gaping wounds that had been left, attempting to save and heal Supergirl to the best of their ability.

The doctors gave an estimate of 10 days before the young hero woke up, predicting that she wouldn't wake up any sooner due to both the physical damage sustained, and also the fact that her mind might have been trying to process what happened and so wouldn't be at full strength.

Though no one anticipated how she'd actually react, no one could figure out how it would psychologically affect Supergirl, how it would damage her in ways that no one could see. Before the fight Kara had still been trying to deal with the loss of Mon'el, and so hadn't been in the best and healthiest frame of mind in any case.

Kara was fragile, maybe her brush with death would tip the scales and shatter what was left of her. Not that anyone had thought about these kind of repercussions. She was the Girl of Steel, she never breaks.

She was unpredictable like that.

 _{— 13 Days Later —}_

Alex was in her lab, Maggie was busy doing her job downtown after the precinct called so she didn't really have much else to do.

All she could do in terms of Kara's condition is wait, pray that she wakes up and busy herself to dodge all of the negative emotions threatening to boil up. The DEO still hadn't managed to track down the Fort Razz escapee despite having both a facial and voice capture of the alien. Alex was itching to hunt him down personally herself, to get the job done, but she wanted to be here when Kara woke up.

As if on cue, she heard a soft groaning from the room next to her.

Alex dropped her equipment onto the desk next to where she was standing and rushed around the doorframe, entering the medbay. She double checked the monitors to make sure everything was going smoothly before lowering herself into the chair next to the head of the sunbed.

Wires were protruding at awkward angles from Kara's skin, working to remove the toxins from her blood, filtering it outside of her body and then pumping it back in. The job of her kidneys had they not been so badly damaged in the fight. _They're healing though, they're healing._

"Alex" Kara quietly mumbled, her eyes still remained closed.

"It's okay Kara, I'm here."

"Where- where am I?"

"You're in the medbay, J'onn carried you to the DEO after your fight with that tall alien. You're safe, it's okay." Alex gently wiped away a tear that had begun to slip down Kara's cheek.

"Alex"

"Yea?"

"Why didn't you just let me die?"

For a moment Alex hesitated, she was not expecting that from her little sister. Though she quickly regained her composure.

"Kara, how can you say that? We're always going to do everything in our power to keep you alive."

"Please, just let me go. I don't want to be here anymore."

"Hey, look at me."

Kara slowly opened one eye and looked to her sister.

"There's so much to live for. The superfriends and I are always going to be here for you no matter if you want us to be or not. We're always going to want you to be here as our friend, as my sister. I love you." Alex was forcing herself to hold back the brimming tears by this moment, she had to stay strong for her sister, to show her that it was all going to be fine.

"You guys will learn to have let me go with time."

"Kara, please don't speak like that. We both know that no-one will ever let you go, you mean too much to us."

Kara sighed deeply, before closing her eye. Alex was about to say something but stopped herself as she noticed her sisters breathing start to even out and slow down, she was falling back to sleep.

"I think that we should hire a therapist for her."

Alex involuntarily gasped as she was surprised by the voice.

"I mean it," J'onn continued, "we've healed her body as much as we can. I think the DEO could help to heal her mind as well."

Alex knew for a fact that Kara would never accept that. She could barely express what she wanted for dinner without feeling guilty or embarrassed, so deep feelings were highly unlikely to be coming out of her mouth anytime soon.

"I agree with you, but we've got to at least try to get her to go. Insist on it. After what I just heard, I'm worried that if we don't get her to go, she could end up being a real danger to herself."

Alex shot J'onn a pointed look.

"And sorry for reading your thoughts, I couldn't help it."

"Mhmm. But yea, I see where you're coming from. I guess it couldn't hurt to try."

"I'll look to see if there are any government therapists able to help her, I'd think that it would be better to keep it within a confidential circle."

Alex nodded at him in response, presenting him with a faint smile as she turned back to look at the young blonde. What Kara said had disturbed Alex more than she could admit. 'I don't want to be here anymore'? What happened to the literal ray of sunshine that was her sister only a few weeks prior.

Alex stood up and tentatively planted a kiss on her sister's forehead, she'd let her get some rest.

 _Stay strong Kara. Stay strong._

 **The next chapter will probably have some of the therapy sessions that J'onn mentioned, and some more hurt/comfort stuff of course ;D**

 **All reviews are read and appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3: No Thanks

(Author's Note: Martians can read Kryptonian minds in this story, just for the sake of it.)

The next day Alex walked towards the medbay to check on her sister, while having quite the animated conversation with her girlfriend.

"Look, I know we agreed on red balloons for our anniversary -"

"The two year anniversary of us being great girlfriends Maggie. This is a huge thing for us! Red is the greatest colour, so therefore we should have as much of it as possible. That's just logic."

"How can argue with that. Ahh fine Al, though I get more of a say on the food then."

"Deal."

When the duo finally got to the entrance of the medbay, something felt wrong. Alex stepped inside followed closely by Maggie. Alex was shocked to see that the bed that Kara should have been in was empty, the sheets thrown to the backboard and the sunlamps destroyed. Panicking, she scanned the room for any signs as to where the young blonde may have ventured. Eventually her eyes settled on a small form in the far corner of the room.

It was still in the early hours of the morning, so the sun had yet to properly rise. This along with the sunlamps destroyed meant that the room was left in darkness. If Alex wanted to get any more information, she would have to get closer.

As she took a step in Kara's direction, she noticed the tremors that seemed to work their way through her body, starting with her head shaking and then her back, her knees and then her feet. The hero was huddled tightly, her hands resting on the back of her head as she curled into herself.

"Kara?"

Her sister flinched as she heard the voice, though didn't turn. Instead the younger woman gripped the back of her head even tighter than she had been before, raking her nails against her scalp and drawing blood which was easily spotted against her stark blonde hair.

"Alex, I'll go find J'onn." And with that, Maggie slinked away.

With her girlfriend gone, Alex was alone. Maybe if it was just Alex, Kara would open up a little more. At least that's what she hoped would happen as she tentatively walked towards her sister.

Alex crouched down next to Kara, careful not to make contact so as not to startle her. Alex then paused to survey the scene in front of her. Despite Kara having her head tightly pressed against her knees, Alex could tell that she was crying. The tears making their way down her sisters leg was tell tale enough, that along with the uneven, strained breathing.

"Hey Kar, it's me. It's okay, whatever it is you can tell me. I'm here for you. It's okay." Kara's breathing grew more strained as she started to cry more, offering no explanation.

"That's okay, let it allll out. I've got you." With that Alex reached over and hugged her sister, holding her close. A risky move she knew, but she loved Kara and wouldn't let her feel alone.

Kara accepted the embrace and leaned into it, seeming to appreciate the contact. She buried her face into the warmth of Alex's neck and wept, though the tension in her shaking frame remained.

Maggie and J'onn entered at just the right time to witness this moment, and it brought a small smile to their faces knowing that Kara had as good a sister as Alex to watch over her and comfort her in times like these.

J'onn quietly walked forward and made eye contact with Alex, pointing to his temple and then to her sister.

"Mind read?" He mouthed completely silently.

Alex paused to consider. On one hand it would be a complete and total breach of her sister's privacy to dig through her mind, especially as she didn't seem to want any of them to know what was going on in there. But on the other hand, knowing what was upsetting her and causing her pain could help them help her in the long run. It was hard to decide, but she did.

She nodded back at him before turning to rest her chin on Kara's head, causing Kara to remove the hands that were previously clamped and fixed there. J'onn kept on advancing until he was only a foot or two away from the women, and then reached his hand out to rest gently on Kara's back. His eyes began to glow red as he used his abilities to enter her mind.

As soon as he began, a red flash overcame his vision. He saw it churn and transform into red liquid, what looked like blood trickling down a deep abyss. He could hear and see messages floating through the surge, reading statements such as "I'm a hero", "I'm strong" and "I'm loved." These messages along with many others fell into the point of no return, simply disappearing from existence when they reached the centerpoint of the whirlpool.

J'onn gasped involuntarily as he realised that this must be Kara's subconscious trying to tell him something. Hinting at something?

Though before he could delve any deeper, he realised his mistake. Kara jolted away from both him and Alex, having been alerted by the gasp and only then realising what was happening.

Kara's sad gaze was clouded over with anger, as storms overtook her blue, glazed eyes. Alex could practically see the walls being built up around her sister as she moved away, resuming her previous position in the corner of the room looking defeated, looking hurt.

 _She has every right to be, she probably feels betrayed._

"I need to be alone." Kara closed her eyes, the tears threatening to fall thicker than they already were.

Alex instantly felt like a terrible person, but deep down she knew that this would all be worth it if J'onn had some answers. She could see that her sister was doing her best to shut everyone out, and if that's what she wanted to do then who was Alex to try and stop her, especially after the stunt she just pulled.

The eldest Danvers sister stood up and pulled the white, fluffy blanket off of the abandoned bed, then moving to gently drape it over her sister's huddled form.

"I'm sorry sis, I love you."

After she whispered those last few words Alex made her way out of the medbay, followed by J'onn and the ever silent Maggie. All of them felt shame.

{Two hours later}

Alex worked silently in her lab, aimlessly stirring purple liquids as she thought about what J'onn had told her. A whirlpool of blood? Phrases disappearing down the center? She couldn't make much sense of it.

It didn't help that her thoughts kept being interrupted by a certain nerdy IT standing in her door frame.

"Hey Alex, sorry to bother you _again,_ but I was wondering if Kara's allowed visitors right now? I thought if I brought the superfriends it could help to cheer her up."

"Sorry Winn, I don't think Kara's in the mood for that at the moment. She said she wanted to be alone. Maybe another day though, it's a good idea!"

"Oh ok. I'll tell James- OH KARA HI THERE." Winn was frantically waving his hand around the door at Alex, trying to signal for her to do something. He was not exactly amazing at navigating difficult, unplanned situations, especially when that situation was one of his closest friends walking shakily towards him while looking like little more than a ghost.

Alex was quick to get the message and shot up from her chair, skidding out of her lab and almost straight into Kara. She threw her arm out to catch her sister who teetered off balance, almost falling.

"Kara, what's going on? Are… are you okay?"

"I- I-" Alex waited patiently for the younger woman to explain, while she saw Winn slowly walk back down the stairs into the main lobby.

"I'll give you two privacy" He mouthed at her as he went.

"Alex I- I feel really really really sick. What do I do Alex I- I don't feel that good. Alex-" Kara doubled over in pain, clutching her stomach as she lowered herself onto the ground no longer able to support her own weight. Alex wasn't too surprised, her sister was on very strong pain medication and antibiotics, and so nausea wasn't out of the question at all.

She hoisted her wobbly sibling up and held her arm around her shoulders, leading her slowly towards the bathrooms. As soon as Kara saw a toilet she broke from Alex's support and rushed towards it, successfully emptying all and anything that she may have had in her stomach. This went on for a good ten minutes or so, finishing with her dry heaving a little bit and then slouching against the wall next to the toilet bowl.

"Thanks"

Alex nervously nodded, unsure as to why her sister would be thanking her after what her and J'onn had done. Kara spotted Alex's uneasiness.

Kara frowned to herself, why was she such a burden on others. They were just trying to help her and she rejected them. She was such a bad person for doing this to her sister. She looked up at Alex.

"About earlier, I'm sorry for overreacting. I didn't expect it is all. And I mean I genuinely feel better anyways, I feel so full of optimism! I don't know what all that gloom was about, it was probably whatever stuff you guys had me on." Anything to stop them from worrying, that's what she would say.

"Kara… some of the things you said-"

"Alex, I'm fine. Don't even worry about it."

"Uh okay, well um there's a specialised therapist coming in to see you tomorrow anyways, so you might as well just get double checked anyways you know?"

"I'm fine, no thanks. I don't need one."

"Look Kara I don't really know what's going on at the moment, but when you woke up the other day you _weren't_ okay. You said some pretty disturbing things, and you sounded really serious about them. Please just go, to put if not yours, if not my mind at rest." Alex looked at her sister to see if she was budging on the matter. Though she was surprised to see a look of sadness run through her sisters eyes. The emotion disappeared as fast as it had arrived, Alex started to think she may have imagined it. Kara managed to pull herself up off of the ground and began to walk her way out of the bathroom and towards the exit.

"Woah woah Kara slow down, you're not cleared to leave yet! J'onn will have a fit if he finds-"

"Alex… please. I can't- I don't need the therapy or anything else. Please just let me move on with my life. J'onn will understand."

Alex could hear the slight tremble in Kara's voice but she decided to let it go, she wouldn't push her sister. Though the brunette knew Kara was lying, everything about that weak reasoning felt off, Kara wasn't okay. She knew her sister would open up about it eventually, but the worry was how she would go about doing it.

Alex stood and watched as her sister slowly and stiffly made her way to the main exit, sensibly taking the stairs down and out of the base instead of the balcony. Kara could be so difficult to help, but Alex would find a way to do so despite this. She promised herself and Kara so.


End file.
